@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...