he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i've created a new STD.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.