and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
