Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.