Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
