my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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