dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
