In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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