I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
