Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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