that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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