Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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