The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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