You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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