i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
