the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
