All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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