I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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