can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
