drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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