Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
