being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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