$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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