My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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