I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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