Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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