The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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