my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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