His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
