like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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