Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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