Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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