it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
