We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
