I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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