thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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