if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
