I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
