Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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