Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
