Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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