I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
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That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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