Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
