i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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