I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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