Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My balls are so social today.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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