so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.