Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid