Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.