I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me