no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.