I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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