mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
