so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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