I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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