Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
