check it out our google latitudes are spooning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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