Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
