1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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