She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
