Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
