I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
