His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
