Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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