I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
