i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
