Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
smell my finger.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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