How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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